As I sit here with a renewed sense of hope in our awesome God, I also feel I need to share with you an experience I had. First, I believe, it shows that we are all in this thing together in our thoughts and feelings – your pastor being no exception. Second, I pray that my own experience will help strengthen and encourage you as you hold on to your faith during these troubling times.
So during the night I got up like many of us do to use the bathroom since I am hydrating more (are you?). As I lay back down to sleep, I thought about how, when I went to bed, I had a little tickle in my throat. Well…you know what happens in the dark, right? After weeks of knowing that I am in good health; feeling that even if I do get this thing it will most likely be a mild case, all of a sudden the dam broke. I’m sure you can guess where my mind went. A wave of fear swept over me. I thought about what I had just preached – that nothing can happen to me outside of God’s express will for my life. I quoted the verse I taught my very young son who once feared the darkness. “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 (NIV84) To be honest however, once again I found myself wrestling with what I feel versus what I believe.
As I lay there wrestling, the best way I can express it is that I was confronted with my own mortality. And what I saw was just how powerless I was when it all comes down to it. Yes, we all have a self-preservation instinct hard wired into us, but I realized I simply don’t have the power to make it happen. In a way that hasn’t happened to this guy before, I transferred “my” authority, to the ONE I knew that does indeed have the power and authority. Even as I write this, the words of the Apostle Paul rise up in my heart. “I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12 (NIV84) Last night, I entrusted myself to Him in a new way, and found peace – peace in His “Godness”- His supreme wisdom, His power, faithfulness, goodness, and love. As I let go of what I really never held in the first place, I grabbed a hold of something – someONE – better!
My prayer for you is that you too find peace and rest in Him. In the end, the only certainty is God Himself. He has promised to be with us, to not forsake us, to work all things together for our ultimate good, and to give us eternal life through Christ. Entrust yourself to Him.
Your fellow traveler,